^^J/C^^
Kathryn Janeway surveyed her appearance in the mirror. Never before had she dressed so…provocatively. Of course, never before had she felt as desperate as she did tonight. Never before had she wanted something as badly as she wanted this. Never before had she wanted to right a wrong she had made…over and over again.
‘Well, Kathryn…if you can’t make this happen tonight, you might as well hang up your lingerie…because you’re getting too old to play this game.’ She instructed to her inner self. She gave one last look in the mirror and then headed off to the transporter that would whisk her away to the party.
This party was different than the other “official” functions they had been required to attend. The crew of the U.S.S. Voyager had been paraded around like exotic animals on display; Kathryn had lost count of the number of receptions, dinners, and parties that had been thrown in honor of their return. Tonight, though, would be about them…her family. Tonight it was just her crew – her family and any relatives they wanted to invite. There would be no official Starfleet delegation or admirals trying to share in the spotlight of their success. No, tonight was just about them. She admitted, silently to herself that, for her, tonight was really about him.
^^J/C^^
I took a deep breath before I walked into the room, already filled with people. I fleetingly considered letting the Captain’s mask slip over my face to allow me the composure I needed to do what had to be done tonight; but then dismissed that notion. The Captain was the one that had gotten me into this position to begin with, so she was definitely not welcome at the party!
I tried to enter the room unobserved; but I had really never been very successful in my efforts to be unnoticed. Regardless of my small stature, apparently I was a commanding presence - whether in my sweats and a t-shirt, my full dress uniform or this heart stopping silver grey dress. Tonight was no different and several sets of eyes turned in my direction the moment I stepped into the room. I smiled in spite of myself when I heard a low wolf whistle from the center of the room. “Tom Paris – is that you?” I asked.
My blonde haired pilot emerged from the center of a group comprised of my former crew; his new daughter, Miral, held protectively in the crook of his arm. My face lit up as I watched him smile down at the precious bundle before letting his eyes slide appraisingly over my form. I crooked my mouth and prepared to give him a mini lecture about leering at a superior officer when he cut me off. “Captain? I don’t think I realized you were a woman under that uniform. A very…”
“Mr. Paris!” I cut him off before he could get himself into trouble – not with me or even Starfleet; but with his half Klingon wife who was now making her way across the room.
He followed my eyes and turned back with another one of those boyish grins and quickly added, “I was just going to say that you looked beautiful; and I’m sure B’Elanna would agree with me.”
“Agree with what?” B’Elanna asked as she extended her arms to retrieve her daughter.
Tom put his arm around her and explained. “Agree with me that the Captain…”
“Kathryn – no titles tonight.” I interjected.
“That Kathryn looks very beautiful tonight.” He finished.
I watched as B’Elanna took in my appearance. There was a flicker of something in her eyes that I couldn’t quite place; but it was gone as quickly as it surfaced and she smiled. “Yes, she does. I’m glad to see she owns something, besides her dress uniform, worthy of a party.”
I blushed in response to the flattery and the mild teasing. “Yes, well…now that we’ve established my wardrobe extends beyond my Starfleet apparel…B’Elanna, might I borrow Tom for a few moments? I have a favor I’d like to ask him.”
“Of course, Cap…I mean Kathryn.” She ventured a glance in Tom’s direction. “Just don’t have him do anything that will land him in a brig; I’m going to need him for the midnight feedings.”
I looped my arm through his and smiled. “I promise – this will only take a minute.”
^^J/C^^
About thirty minutes later, I watched as Tom called the group to attention. He made some opening statements about the destination and the journey; but I must admit that I was paying little attention as my eyes scanned the room to see if Chakotay had arrived. I was more than a little disappointed when I didn’t see him among the gathered crew. I swallowed the lump that was rising slowly in my throat…it appeared tonight was not going to go as I had planned. I forced a smile to my face as I heard my cue. “May I have this dance, Kathryn?”
I took Tom’s proffered hand as he led me to the dance floor and pulled me into his arms. I closed my eyes as his warmth and strength surrounded me…even though it wasn’t the arms I longed for; it had been so long since I allowed myself the luxury of being led on the dance floor – or anywhere else for that matter. It felt nice not to be in control for a change…letting someone else guide my steps. It’s not a path my psyche would allow me to travel for very long; but this small detour was certainly allowable – I had earned it after seven years.
A small tear slipped unbidden down my cheek and I wiped it quickly on Tom’s shirt. I felt his arms tighten slightly to silently offer comfort without betraying my secret. I was just about to step back and make my excuses when I heard it…that deep, sensuous voice; the voice that had filled my days with reassurance and my dreams with hope. “May I cut in?”
I took a deep breath and looked up as Tom stepped away. Blue eyes met obsidian as his hands extended to mine. I inhaled his spicy scent and felt the tension of the last few hours slowly slip away as I stepped into his warm embrace.
We began to sway in time to the music; although even if my life were on the line, I couldn’t tell you what song was playing. I could feel the heat from his large hand resting on my lower back and, more importantly, against my bare skin; leading me in the dance. I knew at that moment I would’ve followed his lead, without hesitation, into the depths of Borg space and back – even into the fluidic space that provided the home to Species 8472.
Due to our height difference, it couldn’t be said that we melded together perfectly; but rather, it was more of a “ying-yang” type feel –with our bodies matching in a way that spoke of our differences bringing us together. His tall frame to my petite one; his dark eyes to my blue; his bronze skin to my creamy white; his spiritual nature to my scientific one; and, most importantly, his soul always being willing to accept what we both knew was between us – mine more reluctant due to some heightened sense of responsibility that I had not been able to release…no matter how badly my soul cried out for just exactly that to happen.
Tonight, though, I wanted to change all of that…to let him know that I wanted nothing more from this life than to be with him…even though I knew there would be challenges in a relationship with someone who did not always agree with me and that was so very different – yet still remarkably the same. I had spent a lot of time over the past few months analyzing my relationship with my First Officer before I came to the obvious and very simple conclusion that although we took different paths to get there…we always ended up at the same destination. It was the different journeys that made our relationship so very intriguing and annoying to me at the same time.
Somehow our differences seemed to fade away the moment his arms surrounded me. My frame melded to his and I leaned into him, wanting to savor this moment always. Never before had I allowed my body the liberty to move without thought or purpose…I only wanted to immerse myself in Chakotay’s essence.
All too quickly, the music ended and we separated. We hadn’t spoken a word; but our bodies had said volumes. My hand lingered in his for a few seconds longer than necessary and our eyes met for the first time since he cut in on my dance with Tom. I let my hand slip from his and walked towards the outskirts of the crowd towards the kitchen area; I turned and caught his gaze once again before turning to step outside the room…desperately hoping he would follow.
I stepped inside the expansive kitchen and had only a moment to survey my surroundings before I felt his presence behind me. I turned and found his gaze burning into mine; searing me to the depths of my soul. He seemed to be looking for something…possibly confirmation of what I was hoping to gain from this evening or perhaps he was simply waiting – as he had always done…for me. Well…not always – which had brought me to the place I was tonight, fighting for what I had carelessly tossed aside time and time again.
I couldn’t find the words to try to explain what I wanted; to be honest, I’m not even sure I was clear on that matter. I just knew I needed him…all of him. But I couldn’t ask for that, not outright anyway…he had expressed interest in someone else after years of waiting for me – I couldn’t demand that he undo his recent actions just because I was now free to pursue a relationship with him. ‘Stop it, Kathryn! Enough analyzing…you want – for just a moment in time – to let there be nothing but Kathryn and Chakotay…to see what would happen. No parameters, no protocol, no command structure…nothing but a man and a woman.’
With that thought in mind, I closed the distance between us and placed my hand over his heart, which I noted, with a small bit of satisfaction, was beating rapidly in response to my touch. He remained immobile…I should’ve known he wasn’t going to make this easy for me. Without breaking eye contact, my other hand found his and raised it until it could be placed over my heart, which was now beating so hard, I feared it might break through the confines of my chest.
Our eyes closed as we shared this intimate moment – by far the most intense we had ever shared. I think that is because this was shared between us, not the Captain and Commander…nor the Captain and Chakotay. No, this time, it was only Kathryn and Chakotay…
Before I could take that line of thinking any further, I opened my eyes to find his eyes dark with barely leashed emotions. Those emotions ranged from lust, desire, and…I silently prayed and hoped that love was mingled in there too; that I hadn’t quashed the love I knew he had felt for me at one time. Never before had I felt that so much in my future hinged on the next few moments…
^^J/C^^
Chakotay’s hand moved away from my chest and I felt my heart start to drop. Then his hands were on my waist, lifting me onto one of the counters. I felt his fingers trace my jaw line and touch the hollow of my throat...almost reverently. I know he could feel my pulse quicken under his light touch. He spread his fingers out...resembling a fan and slipped his thumb under the strap of my dress.
As he slowly lowered his hand, the pressure was just right to send a thrill never before experienced through my body. As they reached the swell of my breasts, I inhaled deeply in an effort to increase the feel of his skin against mine. His thumb moved so that the fabric eliminated the skin to skin contact; but his hand continued to move lower until his thumb brushed over my hardened tip...my body reacted with a million points of electricity shooting through my nervous system and centering under his thumb.
He made small circular motions that only served to heighten my tension. A small moan escaped from some hidden place that I thought was long forgotten. I wanted...no needed to hold on to something; but felt it was wrong to reach out to him...I couldn't do that; not yet. I stretched my arms towards the heavens and encountered the rack that was used to hang pots and pans on when the kitchen was in use. That seemed to be something to work with...something to hold onto to help me with the multitude of sensations coursing through my body.
I marveled that he had awakened so many feelings in me and had only barely touched my body. I realized, though, that he had touched my soul and my heart for over seven years...even if I had never before acknowledged it. Rational thought left as the rest of his hand caressed my skin as he moved it over the brief fabric of my bodice and cupped the fullness of my breast. "Oh Chakotay" I whispered and closed my eyes to focus on nothing but the feel of his touch.
I was grateful that my hands were holding tightly above my head as my grip tightened when I felt the moistness of his lips touch the center of my chest right next to where his hand was still softly caressing me. My breathing increased and I felt more alive at that moment than I had in the past seven years. Not even shouting orders in the heat of battle when my crew and ship were at stake did I feel as alive as I did the moment his lips touched my heated skin.
I lowered my hands long enough to reach behind my neck to release the clasp that held the top of my dress in place. The material fell away like chaff from grain. I am not a vain woman and I know that I am not well endowed; but I also know that years of physical training and Starfleet conditioning ensured that I was not sagging in any key areas and that muscles rippled below my skin in response to the multitude of stimuli...and Chakotay was definitely providing significant stimulation…that they were receiving.
I opened my eyes when I felt Chakotay stand upright and was just in time to see a look of pure desire cross his features as his eyes feasted on my more mature, but still pert breasts. After a few moments, he exhaled slowly and carefully lifted the straps of my dress until they were safely back in place and the fastening was secure once again.
Never before had I wanted to throw myself at him and beg him to forgive me for the past seven years and to not let us spend the next seven or seventy apart. Fortunately, I had some dignity left and restrained my response to the tears that insisted on springing to my eyes as I quietly whispered, “I’m sorry. I…” I couldn’t finish – what could I say after such a display of exhibitionism?
His hands cupped my face while his thumbs brushed away the tears that had spilled and were now making their escape down my reddened cheeks. His face was scant inches away from mine and I could feel the warm breath escaping through the lips that had been branding my flesh only moments before. If I felt bad before, his next words sent me deep within the abyss of self guilt and despair. “No, Kathryn; it is I who am sorry. I can’t do this – not now. I have to go.”
He kissed my forehead and gently lowered me back to the floor before turning without another word and disappearing from my line of sight; and, I knew, from my life for forever. I whispered after his retreating form, “Then I guess I am alone, after all. Dismissed.” I gave myself a moment to summon the Captain back into service and then made my apologies to the crew citing sickness and made the lonely trip back to my apartment.
Never before had I felt so desolate…not when I lost my father or Justin; not when I stranded one hundred fifty souls in the Delta Quadrant; not even when I felt the icy piercing of Borg tubules extending into my neck to assimilate me. I felt so alone and so entirely without hope.
^^JC^^
Once back at my apartment, I tried to focus my thoughts to decide what course of action I could take to get me as far away from everything and everyone as possible for a while – just until I could regain my composure and find a new direction. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, I could think of nothing but Chakotay and the look in his eyes when he left. My mind tried to sort through exactly what emotions I saw pictured there; but the aching in my heart demanded my attention. So I gave up any pretense of analysis and just let myself cry.
Whether it was minutes or hours later, I can’t be sure; I heard the signal for my door ring. I glanced at the clock; but my eyes were too blurry and swollen from my tears to be able to make out the numbers. I closed my eyes and silently willed whoever was standing outside my door – at whatever time it was – to just go away. When the ringing stopped, I thought I had succeeded. My adrenalin level soared through the atmosphere when a deep voice said, “You look like hell.”
My eyes snapped open as my instincts took over and my body moved to defend myself from the intruder. I stopped short when I realized it was Chakotay. My physical defenses not needed; my emotional defense mechanism took over as I bitterly replied. “Well, perhaps that’s because I feel like hell. What do you want, Chakotay? One last opportunity to remind me of how badly I…”
His words cut me off mid-sentence. “Kathryn. I think you should stop before you say something you might regret - at least until you hear what I’ve come here to say.”
My anger subsided taking my bitterness and sarcasm along with it…I was too old and tired for such draining emotions. There was nothing left in me but honesty; so I went with that. My mouth turned into one of my crooked smiles as I offered, “I find it hard to believe that anything I could say or do right now would outweigh the fool I made of myself earlier this evening.”
“Kathryn…please. Stop and just let me explain.”
There it was again – the guilt. That’s what I had seen in his eyes earlier and heard it in his voice…oh my God, HE felt guilty. What a mess we were…time after time I hurt him and he feels guilty. I had to stop this right here and now. My love for him would not allow him to suffer for even one moment more; even though I was certain I would spend the rest of my life wondering ‘what if?’
“No, Chakotay; please let me. It is I who should be bearing the guilt, not you. You have done nothing but keep every promise you have ever made to me. You stood by me and supported me; you made my burdens lighter and brought a joy and deeper sense of purpose to my life by introducing me to your faith and spiritual side. And how do I repay that? I hurt you over and over again; putting the final nail in the coffin of our relationship when I shamelessly threw myself at you – even when I knew you had moved on to be with Seven. Please, Chakotay – don’t feel guilty.”
My words were abruptly stopped when he picked me up and carried me the short distance to my kitchen counter where he unceremoniously plopped me down. “Kathryn, for once in your life, will you just shut up and listen?” The dimples were emerging as he asked his question.
I found a small glimmer of humor and, more importantly, hope in his question. I offered him the briefest of smiles as I responded, “That’s not really my style; but since you asked so nicely…”
He shook his head and chuckled as he muttered, “Spirits save me.”
“Is that what you wanted me to shut up to hear?” I teased.
His hands touched my bare knees as he stepped in between them; he was so close that I thought I might be too distracted to hear his words. Never before had I been so wrong as my ears clearly heard the next words he spoke. “You’ll never be alone, Kathryn – not as long as I live and breathe.”
My eyes registered surprise that he had heard the words I had whispered when he left me in the kitchen earlier tonight. He ignored my look and continued. “I couldn’t continue earlier because I wasn’t free to give myself to you then…it wouldn’t have been right.”
“Seven.” I simply stated. I should’ve realized that Chakotay had always been a highly honorable man and would have made sure that he had ended things with Seven before starting any serious physical liaison with me. That explained the guilt…he felt guilty about our actions; or, more appropriately, his reaction to my actions.
“Yes. Seven. I needed to break things off with her before I could fully commit to you again. And, make no mistake Kathryn; we are going to fully commit to each other this time. No reservations – nothing held back. Any problems with a commitment of that magnitude?”
There were a million things that I wanted to say; but I limited my response to exactly what I knew he wanted to hear. “None.” I felt a rush of adrenalin as he picked up my slender frame and carried me to my bedroom. I was still in my dress as I had been too distraught earlier to even think about undressing. I made one more declaration to let him know exactly how I felt as we made our way through the apartment. My words were muffled against his chest; but I know he heard me as he squeezed me tighter when I shared. “Seven years ago I didn’t even know your name; today I can’t imagine a day without you.”
I couldn't believe it...he was here - with me; and, for the first time since I met him, I was free to love him and to be loved by him. I knew I should ask how Seven was doing…and I would – later. Right now, I wanted to focus my everything on the man who held me so securely and safely in his arms.
He lowered me carefully until I was standing in front of him next to the bed. His hands reached up and slowly pulled out the clip holding my hair in place. My auburn tresses fell to my shoulders and a sigh escaped my lips as he ran his fingers through my locks. “My goddess...my heart." He whispered softly.
His fingertips ran through my hair one final time before they slipped to the back of my neck. I knew instinctively that he was going to undo the same clasp that I had undone earlier; and that in doing so, would start us on a journey that had been seven years in the making. While I wanted almost more than anything to start down that path...I knew that there was, unbelievably, something I wanted more at this moment. What I wanted was to feel his lips against mine. I had imagined a million times what the velvety softness of his mouth would feel like when it touched mine...I needed confirmation; I needed that connection. Never before had I needed something so strongly in my life. Never being very shy, I looked up at him and simply said. "Kiss me, Chakotay. Please."
His hands tightened on the back of my neck as he pulled my face towards his. His mouth crushed down on mine in a demanding fashion. He wanted all of me: my heart, my soul, my body...my forever. I found I could deny him nothing and returned his kiss with all the pent up fervor and passion I had held for so long inside of me. My hands clutched at his shirt as his tongue demanded entrance. I eagerly complied as our tongues began to fight for dominance in the kiss. It was exhilarating to be engaging in such a battle with the other half of your soul - your equal.
When we finally broke apart, our breathing was ragged. The kiss had done nothing to abate our desire; rather it had fueled our passion and we moved forward towards the path that destiny had lain before us. I half expected him to rip my dress off of me and take me right then and there. I should have known better...Chakotay had waited almost seven years for this moment and he would not waste it by settling for mere sex. No, he intended to make love with me as I had never been loved before. He didn't have to say the words; his eyes told me so - and we had learned to communicate without words a long time ago.
“I love you, Kathryn.” His words were whispered; but conveyed a strong deep emotion that I knew he meant with his entire being.
“I love you, too.” My eyes held his so he could see that there were no doubts, nothing held back.
His hands guided me to the bed and I let him take the lead. My lead in our relationship had been neither productive nor pleasant…so tonight he would have control. Oh, make no mistake, I would be an active participant…but, I would trust him to take me wherever he thought it best for us to go. I laid back and watched with intense interest as he removed his shoes and slowly unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a toned, bronzed chest with just the perfect sprinkling of chest hair. My nipples hardened instinctively at the thought of those coarse hairs rubbing against the smooth, soft skin of my chest.
The dimples emerged again as he allowed my intense perusal of his beautiful body. I especially noted the predominant muscles of his abdomen, the “six pack” that was highly defined and narrowed to a point below the waistband of his dark slacks. I forced myself to inhale slowly as I realized that soon I would no longer have to imagine what my Angry Warrior would be like in all of his glory; soon I would have first hand knowledge. I swallowed hard in anticipation and licked my lips noting that they now seemed seriously parched.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over and undid the clasp at the back of my neck. In a move I found strange, he didn’t lower the straps to reveal my body to his gaze. Instead his lips moved over mine, much gentler this time. Every fiber of my being cried out to wrap my arms around him and pull his body onto mine; but…I had promised myself to follow this time…it was my gift to him – even if he didn’t realize it yet.
My hand couldn’t resist, though, and lifted of its own accord to touch and caress his side as we moved together in the kiss. Blood coursed faster through my veins as I heard a deep sound of pleasure emerge from the back of his throat at my touch. I let my hand slip around to thread through the sprinkling of hair I was admiring earlier. He responded by leaving my lips and placing soft kisses along my cheek, down my jaw line and into the hollow of my throat. I moved my head slightly to allow him greater access. When I felt his tongue flick out to taste the saltiness of my skin from my earlier tears, I could remain quiet no longer. “Spirits…Chakotay!”
He lifted his head and smiled. “Spirits?”
My lopsided grin emerged again, “Hey…an old girl can learn new tricks, can’t she?”
He let his gaze wander purposely down the length of my body, taking in the firmness of my breasts, the flat plane of my stomach, and the strength in my petite but lithe legs. His voice was husky as his gaze returned to my face. “I see nothing old in this room; nothing but strength and beauty.”
I thought to myself that he could be seeing a lot more if he wanted; but opted to not say it aloud. ‘Patience, Kathryn.’ Any internal monologue ceased as his lips returned to my neck and started to make their way slowly down my front. My hands increased their movements in response to his actions. His mouth slowly moved the strap aside to gradually reveal some more of my pale flesh. Inch by painstaking inch, the garment was lowered as he paid homage to my highly sensitized skin.
As he neared my dusty tip, my body arched in anticipation. My breath caught in my throat as I knew I was just moments away from feeling the moist heat of his mouth where I currently wanted it the most. Instead of giving me what I wanted, his tongue licked slowly around the tip and then his warm breath blew gently over the area he had just dampened, causing goose bumps to arise everywhere he had touched. “Oh God…”
His smile was in full force as he teased, “Have we abandoned the Spirits so quickly, Kathryn?”
Every nerve ending in my body was on fire and I could not vocalize any response, much less the sarcastic one that I wanted to share. My hands moved to the back of his head and guided it back to my breast to silently encourage him to continue. He continued his slow assault on my senses by repeating his action on the other side. Never before had I resorted to begging; but I knew that I was not far from that course.
He continued to move lower, removing the bodice of my dress and laving every inch of my flesh with kisses and his warm breath. My fingers continued to explore any area I could reach as my mind grew hazy with the amount of desire that flowed through every blood vessel and nerve ending in my body. I felt his hands lower my garment over my hips and legs, dropping it to the floor. My eyes closed as he took his turn for an intense perusal of the newly exposed areas, his hand resting on my thigh.
After what seemed an eternity, I opened my eyes to find him staring at one particular area just above the waistline of my panties on the left side; a small tear had escaped his eye and was traveling slowly down his cheek. When he saw that my eyes were open, he quietly asked. “When?”
I exhaled slowly. “Shortly after New Earth, during a shore leave.”
His eyes left the spot and found mine. “Why?”
Ah, now that was a much harder question. I tried the easy way out. “I’m not sure.”
My answer did not bode well with Chakotay. His eyes flashed and his tone reminded me of the many ‘discussions’ we had had aboard Voyager when he did not like my rationale for a command decision I had made. “Try again, Kathryn. This is something that is highly personal and permanent and…” his features softened “so unlike you.” His finger traced the small markings that he knew so well as they perfectly mirrored the markings on his forehead.
I propped myself up on my elbows and tried to ignore the fact that I was about to have this serious conversation with him while he was half dressed and I was, well, clothed in considerably less than he was. “I suppose I owe you that since the personal part of what you just mentioned is something very personal to you as well.” I sat the rest of the way up and leaned against the headboard, hugging my knees tightly to my chest. He remained in the same position, seated at the edge of the bed, his eyes watching me intently and patiently, waiting for me to continue.
“It was the best and worst of times.” I started and was pleased that he smiled at my small attempt at humor as I began. My face grew serious, though, as I continued. “It really was for me, Chakotay. It was the worst because I felt like I had abandoned my crew and my promise to get them home.” I held up my hand to stop his protest. “I know they would have made it home, regardless; but I wanted to be the one to do that for them – I was the one that promised them that I would. Call it selfish – call it whatever you want; but that was how I felt.”
“I understand.”
“You are probably one of the few people who truly can.” I agreed and then forged ahead. “It was the best of times because you were there with me; and no other person in this or any other quadrant has known me, understood me, and been able to get under my skin and into my soul like you have.” I waited a moment for him to fully absorb the meaning of my words. “Of course, my stubborn nature prevented me from seeing that in enough time for us to fully enjoy our time together. For a brief time, though, I felt more carefree and happy than I had ever felt in my entire life; and I had you to thank for that.”
He remained motionless, so I continued. “I’m not sure if I was angry or relieved that Tuvok took that moment in time to decide to disobey my direct order…damn Vulcan.” This brought a hint of a dimple. “Anyway, when I put that uniform back on, it was stifling and I felt such sadness that I could barely breathe. I went on auto pilot to get me through the days and gave up on a good night’s sleep. I knew that the Captain in me would never allow our relationship to be what I wanted and needed it to be; but she couldn’t stop me from making something that was so much a part of you – a part of me as well. So when we were on shore leave, I found a place that offered permanent markings, old earth tattoos, in whatever design you wanted. I took a holo-picture I had of you and gave it to the artist and, for the agreed upon price, he marked me as yours. Of course, my heart belonged to you from the moment you made me that bathtub…”
“Come here.”
“What?”
His hand extended towards me. I reached mine forward to clasp his and let him pull me up to my knees. When our bodies were touching, he leaned his head forward and whispered, “That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me; and…” his hand slipped between us to lightly caress the tattoo. “This is the sexiest thing that any woman has ever done because of me.”
My arms went around his body and pulled him close to me. His head angled to allow me to bury mine in his neck. I was thankful that I could be more active and started to kiss his neck, whispering terms of endearments and pressing my body as far into his embrace as possible. His hands were moving up and down my back, slipping under the lacy undergarment that remained the final barrier on my side. I pulled back slightly and teased. “I think you are entirely overdressed. Do you require assistance to remedy that?”
I felt a momentary loss as the heat and strength of his body pulled away as he stood up. That loss was quickly stifled when he answered, “That’s the best offer I’ve had today. Your assistance would be…most appreciated.”
Finally. With a slowness that belied my impatience, I let my hand run over his chest, enjoying the way his nipples hardened under my touch. I reverently traced the taut muscles and followed their path downward until I encountered the button and zipper. My hands trembled slightly as I unfastened them; but more due to excitement than nervousness. My hands slipped inside the pants and around to cup his bottom, while my mouth paid homage to the muscles that I had just traced. I smiled into his chest as his fingers threaded through my hair as he whispered, “Spirits, Kathryn.”
I let my hands move downward sending his trousers to the floor. “There, that’s better.”
His hands continued to move through my hair, holding my head close to him. “I can’t tell you the number of fantasies I’ve had that involved your hair.”
“Some day you’ll have to share them with me and perhaps I can provide assistance with those as well. But right now…” I released my hold on him and lay back on the bed again. “I want you to make love to me.”
This time when his eyes locked with mine, I saw none of the guilt or doubt that I had seen before; there was nothing there but love and deep desire. His voice was thick with that desire as he asked. “Nothing held back and no more secrets?”
My voice deepened in response. “The Borg Queen herself couldn’t keep me away from you now.”
Chakotay’s face wrinkled in feigned disgust. “You just HAD to bring her into this, didn’t you?”
My laughter was quickly stifled as I watched Chakotay lower his boxers to give reality to years of fantasies. Before I could stop it, my eyes flashed with a tinge of apprehension at his impressive size; I quickly buried that emotion and offered, “Very impressive, Commander.”
The dimples emerged in full force as he lowered his body next to mine on the bed, half covering me. Goose bumps rose all over my body his lips descended on mine once again and my hands clutched his cropped hair in an effort to deepen the kiss. I sensed he was still very much in control of his emotions and actions and I wanted to change that…I wanted him to be uninhibited and to lose himself as much as I planned to…lose myself as I had never done before. My tongue flicked out and began to tease his lips as one leg curled around his lower half; I began to slowly move my hips against him, letting him know exactly how much I was enjoying this.
He gave up the fight and opened his mouth to my advances with a moan. Not willing to give up total control, he let his hand start a slow caress in the curve of my neck and broke the kiss to follow his hand with his mouth. I gave in to his ministrations much easier, releasing my hold on his body to give him free reign to mine. I kissed him gently when he raised his head to look at me questioningly. “You’re in command tonight, Chakotay…I will follow your lead.”
Realizing the magnitude of my statement, he answered me with both love and humor…a combination I had come to appreciate over the years. “You won’t be sorry, Kathryn; you’ll find that occasionally it’s very pleasurable to serve under someone.”
Before I could respond, he kissed away the smile that had emerged at his statement and moved his right hand to clasp both of mine and raise them above my head. He held them there as he began to kiss my neck, before moving lower. Once again he steadily avoided my taut buds, which was driving me slowly mad with desire and need. I forgave him, temporarily though, as his left hand moved steadily lower.
His hand trailed lower, caressing as it descended, leaving every nerve ending in my body in a heightened state. When we finally did consummate our union, I was certain I would implode with the force of a supernova explosion. His fingers traced the tattoo lovingly once more before he let them slip lower to trace the outline of my undergarment. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from pleading with him to touch me to ease the throbbing that had started the moment I stepped into his arms earlier this evening.
I arched my back slightly hoping to provide some direction to his efforts; but he would not be swayed. My mind thought of a few snappy things to share with him as I felt his smile on my skin as it lingered in the valley between my breasts. He knew exactly what I wanted; and was not about to give it to me until he was ready…damn him! I was glad I didn’t voice my thoughts as they became hazy when his index finger began to trace a path from the top of the lacy waistband over the now damp satin that covered my innermost sanctum. I inhaled sharply as he increased the pressure, just enough to drive me to the edge of sheer madness.
That was it…I couldn’t take any more. I had never begged for a man’s touch; but this just wasn’t any man…this was my Chakotay – my angry warrior – my soul mate. I needed him as I needed air to breathe. My voice was deep and filled with need as I started, “Chakotay…please.”
His one hand continued to hold mine above my head while his other steadily stroked; his mouth lifted enough for him to ask, “Please what?”
My hips were now moving of their own accord in response to his touch; my nipples ached for his mouth to cover them and my soul cried out for him to complete me…how does one ask for that in one brief sentence when you can barely speak? I then uttered the words that I had never before said to another living soul. “I belong to you – claim me completely – make us one.” I’m sure somewhere in the far recesses of my psyche the Captain protested as she sensed her self-imposed isolation and independence would never be allowed again…no, she would never be the same again; and I’m not sure that was a bad thing.
Chakotay was either moved by my words or he felt sorry for the state I now found myself in – to be honest I didn’t care which it was as long as it prompted him into further action. His hand deftly removed the remaining barrier and I unashamedly opened myself to encourage his touch. His hand hovered just above my heated center as he huskily asked, “Do you want me to touch you, Kathryn?”
“More than anything…”
His fingers brushed gently through my damp curls as they tentatively explored. I exhaled slowly, willing my body to be patient as his tongue continued its maddening exploration that took it everywhere but where I wanted it to be. Finally, in a coordinated attack that would rival anything Starfleet or the Borg could ever devise; Chakotay’s index finger slipped into my wet heat as his mouth closed over a berried tip, sucking it well into the warm cavern of his mouth.
I experienced a cascade failure in my nervous system as electricity shot to every point on my body sending me hurdling towards the sweet bliss of ecstasy. His tongue swirled and his teeth nipped as his finger worked diligently to boldly go where no man had gone in such a long time that I had forgotten the thrill of such an intimate touch. My body arched and twisted under his skillful touch until my soul soared as my body achieved its release. “Chakotay!” I cried out to share the sensation with the only man who brought order to the chaos swirling around me.
He slowed his movements; but did not stop as his eyes watched me float back to the lower stratosphere where he was waiting, ever patiently, for me. His right hand released mine which allowed me to return some of his gentle caresses as I added, “Thank you…that was…”
His smile told me he understood. Our mouths met again with a growing passion. I wanted to feel him inside of me – to truly make us one; but he, apparently, had other plans. As our tongues played out an ancient mating dance that mimicked what I wanted our bodies to do, he added another finger to his explorations below. Over and over again he dipped into my juices and used them to create an enticing friction on my core of desire. My muffled cries and pleas climbed at an uneven pace as my body processed the multitude of sensations coursing at an alarming speed through my veins. My arms and hands moved in tandem with our touches and in response to the desire pooling at my center. Only a few moments later, I cried out my release again. Never before had any man taken such care and paid such attention to my pleasure. I held him close as I made my way back from the heights of heaven.
I could feel his desire, hard and heated against my thigh – this time I was able to vocalize my wishes just as he began to increase his efforts again. My hand reached down to still his and I quietly teased, “As I recall, you are supposed to be an expert on mating behaviors…surely you realize what needs to come next...”
His eyes found mine, the twinkle of humor present in the depths of desire. His voice was filled with tenderness rather than humor as he answered. “Your faith in my expertise isn’t misplaced, I promise. We only get one chance at the first time…”
While the sentiment was sweet and endearing, I had to fight back the impatience in my voice…why was he waiting? What was wrong? I figured at this point I had already asked for more tonight than I had ever had to before…why stop now? “Please, Chakotay…I need to feel you…” I paused to place a gentle stroke along his hardness, “…all of you.”
His eyes closed momentarily and I knew he was fighting for control. When he finally spoke, I thought my heart might melt at the gesture I realized he was making. “As soon as I’m sure you’re ready, my love.” It was with those words that I knew he had caught the slight flicker of apprehension in my eyes as he revealed himself to me. He was doing tonight what he had done since the first time I laid eyes on him – doing whatever necessary to put my needs first and to protect me from any harm.
My mouth sought his again as my arms and lips showed my gratitude at his thoughtfulness. When I broke this kiss, I added. “You are the sweetest man I have ever known and you know me better than anyone else in this, or any other, world ever has. But, Chakotay, I promise you that I know my body…and it wants nothing more than all of you right now. It will be alright – trust me.”
He moved to his side and over to his back, trying to pull me with him. I knew immediately what he was trying to do. I placed my hand on his chest and stopped his movements. “Chakotay, no.”
“This is the best way, Kathryn, that way you can control things to make sure you don’t get hurt.”
I pulled him back towards me until he was nestled snuggly in the cradle of my legs. My eyes found his and I explained. “Chakotay, I daily trusted you with my life for over seven years; I see no reason not to trust you with my body as well. Make us one, love – complete me.”
He sensed my resolution and my conviction in the words I said and the trust I placed in him. I knew it was not misplaced. He kissed me one last time before he positioned himself at my entrance.
Inch by glorious inch he slowly joined our bodies. As his body physically melded with mine, I felt the gaping hole that had been present in my soul since I first learned of his relationship with Seven, begin to mend. A tear of happiness slipped down my cheek and I smiled up into the warm brown eyes that were watching me carefully. The warmth of love completely surrounded me and I knew what had to be done. I planted my feet on the bed and thrust my hips upward to fully sheath his member within my body. Chakotay exhaled quickly and exclaimed, once again, “Sprits, Kathryn!”
We held still for a moment, allowing our bodies a chance to adjust to the sensation. I knew he would wait as long as possible until he was sure I was ready. I slowly started the tempo which he quickly matched. We found we could anticipate each other’s movements just as easily here in this intimate encounter as we could in the heat of battle. Once he was certain I wasn’t uncomfortable, he began to feed his own needs and desires thrusting deep within me at varying paces until nothing else existed in the galaxy save our two hearts, bodies and souls. My arms and legs fell away as his rhythm began to falter – I knew he was close and I was right there with him. With one final thrust, he sent us to worlds beyond any known galaxy; flying hand in hand together through the stars.
“Kathryn!!” He called my name as his release claimed him and I reveled in the sound of my name being shouted in his moment of passion.
I responded in kind, enjoying the weight of my lover surrounding me as his body collapsed on mine from his efforts. We lay there, motionless, for several minutes until he rolled to the side, pulling me with him. He stroked my hair and I was awash with a contentment that I had never felt before in my life. Finally, he spoke. “Kathryn?”
“Yes, Chakotay.”
“I want you to know…” his voice faltered somewhat. “That was…have you ever experienced anything like that? I know I haven’t…”
I held him close; I could still feel his heart racing from our activities. I lifted my head from his chest long enough to find his eyes, which held a slight tint of moisture to their normal darkness. I whispered my reply with all the love I felt for the man now holding me in his arms. “Never before, my love…never before.”
The End
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